you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
