I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
