I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
