I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize