I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
