If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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