Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
