I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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