I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We had to coat check the pizza.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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