also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
