That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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