If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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