New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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