See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
