I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
