I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
