I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
