I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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