see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
