can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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