Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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