I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
