i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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