Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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