Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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