i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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