How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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