after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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