I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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