That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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