the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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