I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
