Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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