Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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