he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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