So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
