Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
