you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
