trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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