You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
