If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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