addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
