It's Friday. Sex?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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