Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
