I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There r osticjed everywhere
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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