If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
