I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
