i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
