I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
