Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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