Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
