Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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