Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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