It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
