i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
