Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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