Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
