What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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