Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
