how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
