My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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