I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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