We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
