threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
