He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
