I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Randomize
