Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
