Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
