My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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