i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dear god my vagina.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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