STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
