Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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