woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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