We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
