i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
id be glad to
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
