It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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