You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
