Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
