I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
